Lochlan, 23, first contacted Blossom for wellbeing support and later accessed our employability mentorship scheme. Despite some extremely traumatic and lonely times in his past, Lochlan is now a successful IT manager with a large support network. Lochlan says that it was Blossom LGBT that changed his life for the better.

In his younger years, Lochlan experienced severe bullying and homophobia from his peers and even his parents.

“My parents always knew something was different about me. I loved rainbows and I had more traditionally ‘feminine’ interests as a child – I liked colouring, art, and dressing up. They noticed I was more effeminate as a child, so they tried to get me into kickboxing to ‘toughen me up’ a bit… That didn’t work. I was bullied horrendously throughout my primary and secondary school years.

I didn’t realise I was gay until I was about 12. I was actually asked out by a boy at school before I even knew I was gay! So other people knew before I even did… Then, once I had the realisation, I spoke to a pastoral staff member at the school.

‘I’m depressed, and I think I’m gay.’

‘No, you’re not – goodbye!’.

That’s how that conversation went.

I went home that night and told my mum that I had something to tell her. ‘Mum, I know you won’t take this well, but I’m gay.’

I can’t remember exactly what happened after that… I think I’ve blocked it out from the trauma. It resulted in me trying to take my own life.”

Because of his mother’s reaction to him coming out, Lochlan found himself forced back into the closet.

“After that, I realised I needed to talk to someone. I spoke to one of the learning support assistants at my school who was really supportive, and I had regular mentoring sessions with her. She also helped me come out to some other staff members at the school, who were all really positive and helped me build my confidence up again. So when I reached A Levels, I decided to try to come out to my parents again.

‘Not this again’ was my mum’s reaction. This time they chucked me out of the house, threw my stuff at me, and told me not to return. 

The next day, I came back again, knowing if I was going to live there I would have to once again go back into the closet, which was devastating. I felt like I didn’t belong in my own family.

I came out to a couple of other teachers at school and set up a Gay-Straight Alliance with sixth form students, which we eventually extended to Year 7. My A Levels went terribly, but I was focused on building that community. There’s something about the chosen family of a LGBT+ group, knowing you have a safe space where you can be yourself and face no judgement for that. While I couldn’t change my experience at school, it was certainly refreshing watching the Year 7s run around the campus with pride flags.

Then when it came to choosing where to go for university, I knew I had to go somewhere with a thriving queer community and somewhere far away from everyone who once knew me, including my parents. I drew a one-hundred mile radius around my hometown and selected towns outside of that range. I wanted to be myself and start anew, and I was excited for this new chapter of my life.

When I settled in at uni I sent a letter to my parents – handwritten, 5 sides of paper, which I decided would be the last time I would come out to them. I wrote ‘I’m gay and you’re going to have to accept it, otherwise I don’t want you in my life anymore’. I wrote about the impact it was having on my life and how I couldn’t deal with all of this. The head of wellbeing at my uni helped me write it – he was gay and had that lived experience of going to uni, discovering who he was, and coming out. He was a great mentor to me too.

My parents disowned me after that. They are right wing traditionalists who had their own idea of what my life should look like, and being gay wasn’t part of that. They didn’t like any deviation from the ‘norm’ or anything ‘different’. I wasn’t ever allowed to be myself. They were extremely controlling. I couldn’t take the GCSEs or A Levels I wanted to do… I couldn’t choose what haircut or clothes I wanted… if I brought a friend home, when they’d left I’d be told whether they were someone I was allowed to be friends with or not. I even had to fight them on which degree I was going to do. They recently opened a private letter and read my entire medical history.”

Lochlan says that the bullying and abuse he experienced throughout his life has massively impacted on his confidence and personality.

“I remember being told that on my first day of preschool I was really confident and happy. Compare that to me in my teenage years – I was just trying to blend in. I’d never wear anything to stand out… I wouldn’t talk to anyone… people would come up to me and I would make myself small, hunched over looking at the ground, headphones in.

At uni, I was also horrendously bullied and mocked, even by other gay people. The university had a student-ran ‘hate forum’ – an online forum dedicated to spreading hate about individuals – and I was the target of that.”

Things continued to get worse for Lochlan.

“After moving out of halls I was living with three girls who I soon realised were transphobic. A lot of my friends at uni are trans so I felt like I could never bring any friends over. They’d invite people from societies over and have parties that lasted until the early hours. One night I was trying to sleep and I’d asked if they could keep the noise down as I had to get up at 3am to get halfway across the country in time for work.

I had a rainbow flag in my room, which people from the party saw, and they started abusing me through my bedroom window because I’d asked them to be quiet. They shouted all sorts of homophobic and transphobic slurs through my window at me. I remember freaking out and hiding under the covers.

I grabbed my things and got out of there.

I was put into a hotel. I remember spending Christmas that year in the hotel on my own, eating a cold tin of 13p spaghetti hoops. My parents had disowned me… people I thought were friends had turned against me… I was alone.”

The hotel eventually asked Lochlan to leave.

“I slept in the disabled toilets of a library for a month. Then the head of wellbeing found out. I told him I didn’t have anywhere to live. He tried to help but there was nowhere they could put me, so I ended up couch surfing for the rest of the time, which had a major impact on my grades. I then ended up in hospital for major surgery.

I discovered Blossom at a time in my life when I was alone, disowned by my parents for coming out as gay, and homeless.

It was the police who initially referred me to Blossom LGBT. In the early days of Blossom, it was all done over Discord and video calls. It was really good! I started to build friendships with people there.

Blossom put on activities for wellbeing and provided a physical safe space for young queer people to come together. I met so many great people. Most of my friend group formed because of Blossom. People there have changed my life for the better. Oscar (CEO and founder of Blossom LGBT) has created such a positive and welcoming environment that, even if you don’t know anyone, you get so warmly welcomed, you get introduced and it’s really fun and positive. It’s so great to see people from all parts of the community. There are people who are just discovering who they are to people who have been out for a decade or more; people who’ve just moved out for the first time to people who’ve been living independently for years; and people just starting out in their careers and then people who are kind of senior. We all build off of each other and support each other.

I later accessed Blossom’s employability scheme and mentoring programme. They set me up with a director at a large consultancy firm, and he was brilliant! I love him. He looked at my CV, I shared my ICT certificates with him and he took the time to really understand me and my situation. He made me realise that I had good experience but I just wasn’t optimising it. 

He helped me improve my CV and with his guidance I went from getting one or two interview offers a week to doing five interviews per day. I applied for 700 positions in total. I was getting increasingly better responses and better feedback from the interviews, and he helped me tailor my CV to the roles I was applying for and we also did some interview role play to help build my confidence. He got me interviewing for senior positions, and eventually I received several offers which he reviewed with me, taking into account my goals, lifestyle, and ‘gut-instinct’ about the organisations.

Now, I have a stable job with great colleagues, I live just ten minutes away from my friends, and I’m pursuing my hobbies.

Blossom has changed my life in such a positive way… it has shown me that there is always hope. I’ve really struggled in my life. Now, for the first time in my life, I am truly happy. I have a great job, I have amazing friends, I live in a place that I love. I can be me.”